How to date when you’ve been single for years

When you’ve been single for years, dating after being single for a long time can be tricky.

Where do you start?

Which dating app should you use?

Has dating etiquette changed?

Here’s a step by step guide to get you started.

Start with your dating mindset

The best place to start if you’ve been single but haven’t been dating is actually in your mindset. How you feel and what you say about dating will determine what kind of experiences you’ll have in your love life. So, if you’re thinking that your efforts won’t work or that no one will want to date you, you’ll attract what you think to be true.

Action point: Evaluate your dating mindset. What are you saying about dating and relationships? What do you believe to be true?

Change your references

In studying the psychology of popularity, I learned that our experiences are shaped by how we interpret the messages we receive. For example, say at the end of a date a guy tells you he had a great time but doesn’t call/text for a few days until he asks you out again. Someone who’s always had healthy relationships (romantic or not) and good dating experiences to refer to may not look too much into it. Whereas, someone who hasn’t had the best experiences in dating may automatically revert to the thinking that a guy isn’t interested, or that they’re not enough…

In Mindset for Love, you’ll learn how to breakdown your dating references and recreate a mindset that’s set up for a healthy relationship.

Find out what makes you happy

You’d be surprised by the number of singles who date and don’t know what they’re looking for. Often when I speak to singles who’ve been single for awhile, they give me a generic list i.e. kind, tall, good head on his shoulders. They create a generic list because they don’t want to rule out a lot of people. The more the better right? No. It’s better to hone in on the type of guy who’ll make you happy other dating everyone and seeing what works out.

Make plans to date yourself

With dating apps, you can date every single night of the week if you want. While this sounds fun, it can also be draining. Before you dive in, map out a few days of the week just for dates. Keep all the others doing what you love. It’s easy to lose yourself in a sea of dates but one relationship you’ll always have is the one with yourself. It’s one relationship you should always nurture no matter what.

Embrace set back

The reality of dating is that you’re either going to marry them (or make a long term commitment) or break up with them. Not every date will be fantastic but every person will have something fresh to teach you. Find the lessons and see every date that doesn’t work out as a step closer to finding your ‘one’.

Good men are everywhere. Check out the School of Love if you want to improve your confidence in dating and attract HIM.

Iona

Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.

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