Find love in your 30s : How Kara found her love

A few weeks ago I got an email from Kara, a student of the Lucky in Love boot camp. This is what she said:

I wanted to reach out and give you an update on my life. I have found my 100% guy! We’ve been together for almost a year and we’re moving in together next month. We are grossly in love and it is amazing!

I don’t think I would be where I am now and so happy if I hadn’t done your boot camp.

Thank you so much – seriously, thank you!

I often get asked if coaching courses really work and the answer always is:

It’ll always work if you commit to doing the work.

Kara was in her 30s and was ready to find someone to share her life with. Frustrated with dating men who weren’t quite right for her, she wanted to work out where her roadblocks were. She was ready to build a solid mindset that silenced the fears she had about dating.

When she enrolled in Lucky in Love and did 30 days of inner work, she identified her roadblocks (and clearing them) and gained a solid understanding of men. She then took all the little steps in between to create the mindset to attract healthy love. 

And it was a success!!!!!!!

Finding your one regardless of age

When Kara and I had our first call, I knew she’d meet someone in no time. She’s the kind of person who goes all in once she decides to commit to something. And that’s the secret to her success, commitment. Because you will never fail if you’re committed to achieving a result.

Lucky in Love is a 30 day online course and when Kara enrolled she worked on the following things:

Building a healthy mindset

Attracting your ideal guy and relationship all starts with a mindset. If you go into dating with an attitude that you’re never going to find anyone or that not all relationships are meant to last, you will attract and find that. It’s backed by science and it’s called confirmation bias. Mindset is the secret sauce to attracting love in fast. Here are signs that your mindset may need a check in:

  • The thought of going on another date sounds exhausting
  • You don’t think you’re destined to meet someone
  • If another relationship were to fizzle, you’ll probably give up on dating
  • You think, what’s the point? All good men are taken and online dating apps don’t work
  • You think dating is really hard

When you have nailed the mindset work, dating is fun. When things don’t work out, you don’t blame yourself. You see every date and relationship as a lesson learned. You bounce back faster when things don’t work out.

Discovering her relationship needs (not wants)

As the saying goes:

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

If you have the habit of attracting the same men (non-committal men, or men who always need help) or have a strict criteria list of what you’re looking for in a guy, there might be a conflict between what you want vs what you need to be happy in a relationship.

I have a friend who was always attracted to a specific type of guy. And yet the one she eventually married was completely different from her type. It shocked everyone. Before she met her husband, she finally realised what she needed in a relationship was different from what she wanted.

Sometimes we make the mistake of putting thing on our ‘wish list’ that don’t make us really happy. Similar to how we may put ‘financially wealthy’ when we describe our dream life. It’s not financial wealth that makes us happy, it’s actually the freedom that comes with it. So we’re really in pursuit of freedom and money may not always help us achieve that. Now let’s apply this example to relationships, because what we want doesn’t necessarily match up to what we need. Say someone wants to meet a guy who’s never been married, loves to travel and has achieved a certain status in his career. Evaluate those three things and compare them to your highest values. Example:

When you’re done, see if what you’re looking for in a guy matches your highest values. As per the example above:

  • Will a guy who’s never been married affected your relationships with your family, friends and each other?
  • How does ‘loves to travel’ related to physical health?
  • Same with education and successful career. A guy with a successful career may not necessarily be educated.

Here’s an example of alignment between what you want in a guy and your values:

Even though there are only two things on the list and not 3 as per the first example, the two columns are in 100% alignment.

Learning how to communicate her needs without feeling guilty about it

Most people know what they want deep down inside. Either they cover it up with what they think she should want or they’re too afraid to claim what they really want. The message is always in the delivery. And Kara learned how to communicate like a BOSS. In a way that didn’t scare men away, in a way that showed her vulnerability and charm. By learning to read social cues and body language, knowing how the other person is feeling is no longer guesswork.

These are the same three things that completely changed the level of relationships I attracted when I was single. But as you can see, each takes time, patience and dedication.

Getting what you want ultimately starts with two things:

  • deciding what you want
  • And committing to get there. That means failure is not an option. That means when you have a few ‘bad’ dates in a row, you don’t ‘give up on men’.

If you’re ready to fall in love and be the next success story, join me in Lucky in Love. 

Iona

Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.

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