Two Reasons Why You Don’t Want a Guy to Be Obsessed With you

So many coaches teach women how to get a guy hooked or addicted, in this video I explain why this is flawed advice.

As  a dating and relationship coach, I’ve seen plenty of great and not so great advice from dating coaches out there. What I see a lot of are tips that get a guy ‘hooked’ or ‘obsessed’ with you.

It always makes me cringe a little bit. Here’s why in a summary (watch the full video)

Love is not a drug

Pop culture has completely shifted the way we view love. In movies you see that it’s intense, exciting, passionate. But what they don’t show is what happens after the happily ever after – the day to day mundane bits that noone wants to watch. But love isn’t a drug. It’s not healthy to have a guy ‘obsessed’ or ‘addicted to you.

It implies co-dependency (and too much of it)

Imagine being the only person responsible for someone else’s happiness. How exhausting would that be? In many of psychotherapist Ester Perel’s talks, she mentions how love has changed – how we now rely on one person to provide loyalty and stability in a relationship but also mystery, excitment and novelty. Some people look at co-dependency as intimacy and the connectedness two people have, others see it as restricting and suffocating (the old ball and chain). My thoughts? The most healthy relationships have a balance. It should be about two individuals sharing a life together while maintaining their own since of identity.

What do you think of dating advice out there that teaches women how they can get a guy hooked or obsessed with them?


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.