How to create intimacy in any relationship
In the age of Tinder and a plethora of dating apps, meeting new people has never been easier. Creating intimacy however, is a whole other story. I’m not talking about physical intimacy, I’m talking about the kind that makes a guy want to commit. In my new programme ‘Goodbye Casual Dating’, I share how intimacy is created. Here’s a sneak peek to one of my modules:
Intimacy happens when you’re comfortable in your own skin
How you feel in your own skin is how you make others feel. If you feel uncomfortable with yourself, you will make your date feel uncomfortable. We think we can disguise our discomfort with our words but it shows up in our body language and the way we connect with men.
There are several things I recommend my friends and clients do:
Self care. Tap into your inner goddess. What would make you feel great? Is it a mani pedi? Is it a new outfit? Before you go on any date, your energy should be at an all time high. If you read my book on The Simple Guide to First Dates, you’ll know I that I always recommend having a pre-date toolbox. This is a collection of things that make you feel good so you show up as your best self right before a date.
Sometimes when we have dates right after work, we’re tired from the day. Maybe it was gruelling or maybe you had a disagreement with your colleague. Without knowing it, you could be bringing that energy to your date. And – you know, your date won’t know you’ve had a hard day at work. He’ll see how you show up as who you are. So you want to make the best impression by being comfortable in your own skin.
Create intimacy by connecting with your feminine energy
In a relationship there is always a balance between masculine and feminine energy. Typically it’s the man who owns the masculine energy and the woman who embodies the feminine energy. If you are looking for a masculine guy, you will need to tap into your feminine energy. Where masculine energy leads, is assertive and makes decisions, feminine energy is open, receptive, it flows. Say you’ve been on a few dates with your man and you want to take your relationship to a new level. Masculine energy will lead that conversation and the direction of the relationship. That’s not to say women with feminine energy have no choice but to follow – that’s not true at all. But they do things differently. They guide, they suggest. They don’t try to over power the lead in the relationship. It may sound ‘backward’ to some to think about it this way but in a relationship one person needs to lead. It could be the woman or the man but most women I coach want a masculine man. My favourite analogy is in dance. In partner dancing, one person always needs to lead the dance. If two people were to lead or if there was a power struggle about who leads, it wouldn’t make for a very smooth dance would it? In the early stages of a relationship, let a man take the lead.
Drop your guard – practice vulnerability
The longer we date, the more likely we are to have emotional baggage and experiences that make us think relationships should be a certain way. Maybe all the breakups we have experienced has led us to think we’re not worthy of love or that love wasn’t meant to last.
It’s human nature to want to protect ourselves but if we have our guards up, we never let men into our hearts, our real selves. The one we want them to love us for.
If you want someone to love you for who you are, you have to show them – flaws and all.
In turn, you have to give him the space and emotional safety for him to do so.
We’re all afraid of being judged but emotional safety means letting the other person speak and express themselves and reassuring them that they won’t be judged for it. The truth is, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of – but they’ve shaped us into who we are.
In this module I share some practical ways to build intimacy right from the get go. Goodbye Casual Dating is now open for early enrolment. Sign up now to get the early bird pricing.