Two traits that help to attract love into your life

How to attract love into your life is the most popular question coming into 30everafter so I thought I’d do a whole piece on it. Last time I went to see a psychic she told me that the most frequently asked question she gets is:

“How long will it take for me to attract my husband?”

It’s no surprise. Everyone wants certainty in life.

It seems most singles want to know when it’ll happen for them so they can:

  • stop worrying that they’ll be alone forever
  • take the anxiety out of dating
  • stop feeling time is running out
  • learn how to enjoy the men they’re dating at the moment
  • stay present knowing that their guy is on his way to them.

Everyone’s timeline is different but from what I’ve seen, those who tend to attract a husband quickly usually have these two traits:

They are relentless       

It’s not that they’re desperate. These women don’t give up. They are the ones who constantly try to improve themselves. They aren’t afraid to be told about their roadblocks. And when she’s had a few bad dates she learns from them and keeps dating. Despite a few bad dates they keep going. Persistence and mindset is their key to attract love into their lives. How long it takes to attract someone great is different for everyone. I’ve seen it happen in as quick as 5 weeks but I’ve also seen it happen within 18 months. It all depends on how quickly you bounce back from disappointment because in dating there will be highs and lows.

They date without ego

Dating with your ego when you’re single or in a relationship is one of slowest way to create a connection with someone. Dating with your ego is like dating with an invisible barrier around you. People can never get close to our true selves because it’s guarded by pride and the fear of being judged, being wronged, of not being enough.

Here’s the difference between dating with and without ego.

People who date with their ego:

  • convince themselves that you don’t want a man (hey if it happens, then it happens). They love this safe zone because if they don’t meet him they won’t have failed in finding one
  • don’t take responsibility for their part in the relationships that haven’t worked out.  They think something is wrong with the men out there, the dating apps not working…etc. When I broke up with my ex I completely blamed him for checking out of the relationship but it wasn’t until I dropped my pride and grief that I realised how I contributed to our fall out.
  • always try to ‘win’. Reality TV has such good examples of this one. In Matty J’s season of The Bachelor, one of the contestants Jen always referred to situations and interactions with other women like it was a game. When she was on a group or double date, she’d often judged who had ‘won’ in each scenario. Dating isn’t a game you ‘win’. Chemistry and emotional connections just aren’t that simple. Another example of this is when you feel a guy is losing interest and you do things to make him jealous or to get his attention.

People who date without their ego:

  • are self aware. They are conscious of what they’re looking for and have no issues telling you. When you ask them what they want to get out of dating, they’re the ones who share that they’re ready to meet their life partner but could probably use a little help.
  • are empathetic. People who drop their ego in dating always tries to understand relationship from both sides of the coin. If a relationship didn’t work out, she/he doesn’t blame. There’s a place of understanding from the other person’s perspective.
  • take the power back into their relationships. They don’t leave their love lives to luck. These people know they are in control of the kind of people they attract into their lives. They read books, they get courses, they get 1:1 help.

Dating from love vs ego

In working as a dating coach for young single women, I’ve seen women attract really good men into their lives just from actioning three things:

  • mindset work
  • understanding men
  • learning how to communicate their needs

There’s no magic in it but there’s definitely a process. If you’re interested in learning more about the process check out ‘Create your own luck in love’. Attracting love into your life doesn’t have to be as hard as everyone makes it out to be. You can take the trial and error out of dating.

Photo by Jacalyn Beales on Unsplash



Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.