How your dating mindset affects the men you’re attracting

This is the kind of dating mindset singles often have:

“I’m running out of time. I’m 34 and single. If I meet a guy this year, we’ll date for a year, get engaged in the next and married a year later. I’ll be 37 and trying to have a baby” Caitlyn said.

This is the kind of math many 30 something single women do.

Because when you’ve hit your 30s, there’s an expectation that you’ll find the guy, get married and have babies…even when you’re not ready to pause your career or give up a carefree and single life.

I’ve worked with so many young, attractive single women who are in the height of their careers. Smart, wealthy, single and struggling to find a man that meets their criteria. (By the way, it’s not due to a lack of good men, it’s usually just self-sabotage and the wrong mindset).

This deafening biological clock can wreak havoc on your love life. It fills you with anxiety and fear. And when you’re trying to date from that headspace you attract the wrong type of guys. How?

Here’s how the wrong dating mindset could sabotage your love life:

You’ll try to make any guy your ‘one’

Men and women have different relationship timelines. Where men date until they’re ready for a relationship to progress, women tend to fall into relationship mode from the get go. Blinded by the promise of a stable relationship, women have a tendency to make the next guy their guy. He may not meet her needs but she won’t see this. Her mindset is driven to find a guy, not the right guy. In fact, women who date from a state of anxiety often don’t know what their needs are – or what kind of man they need. Where women with a healthy dating mindset will be more discerning about her dating choices, women with a poor dating mindset will date many people just to ‘see where things go”.

[Note: A good mindset is the secret sauce to finding the relationship of your dreams. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. It just works.]

You’ll ignore your emotional needs

A good relationship is meant to be nourishing and uplifting, it’s not meant to be a checkbox on someone’s to-do list. When you have your eyes and mind set on ‘settling down’, you neglect what your heart needs. I’ve witnessed so many instances where a woman has married her guy only to get divorced a year or two later. When they look back at where they went wrong, they tell me they rushed into it because they felt pressured to settle down. When you date from a place that feels rushed, you have love blinders on. You may see that a guy is on the same page and life stage as you (wants to settle down and get married) but you may also neglect to see that you both have different values i.e. in work-life balance, spirituality, money. 

[You might like: Transform the relationships and men you attract. Free mini course on Attraction Mindset]

You’ll deny yourself of what’s really possible (immediate satisfaction)

Sometimes a breakthrough is right around the corner and yet we are too impatient to see it come to fruition. Immediate satisfaction can be an amazing feeling but you also risk missing out on something much better than mediocre relationships. I’ve seen many men and women settle for mediocre relationships because they don’t know what else is out there or if they could find someone better. 

You’ll chase men away by showing the wrong intentions

Desperate vibes are real and men pick up on it. Most men aren’t afraid of commitment. They’re afraid of committing to the wrong woman. For them, the wrong woman is one who is just looking for a guy to marry and father her babies. When it comes to men and commitment, it’s all about how they feel in a relationship. The woman with the right mindset makes them feel safe, makes them feel valued and appreciated. It makes them feel good. The women with the wrong mindset chase them away.

You’ll attract the same kind of energy

You attract what you think about. I’m a huge believer that your thoughts create your reality. And so if you’re always thinking that you’re running out of time or that you’ll never meet the right guy, those are the exact situations you’ll attract.

What if there was a way for you to enjoy dating while you were waiting for your ‘one’ to come along? What if you could change your perspective and see that there’s no need to rush?

When you put all your energy to date with intention and work on your mindset, your love life transforms quickly. I have the success stories to prove it. The secret sauce to finding love fast is really in the mindset work. It’s framing your mind so you know that your guy is on his way, that every ‘rejection’ is nearly a step closer to finding your ‘one’.

Want to learn more? Check out my Mindset Makeover course.

Photo by Remi Yuan on Unsplash


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.