How your dating mindset affects the men you’re attracting

“I’m running out of time. I’m 34 and single. If I meet a guy this year, we’ll date for a year, get engaged in the next and married a year later. I’ll be 37 and trying to have a baby” Caitlyn said.

This is the kind of math many 30 something single women do.

Because when you’ve hit your 30s, there’s an expectation that you’ll find the guy, get married and have babies…even when you’re not ready to pause your career or give up a carefree and single life.

I’ve worked with so many young, attractive single women who are in the height of their careers. Smart, wealthy, single and struggling to find a man that meets their criteria. (By the way, it’s not due to a lack of good men, it’s usually just self-sabotage and the wrong mindset).

This deafening biological clock can wreak havoc on your love life. It fills you with anxiety and fear. And when you’re trying to date from that headspace you attract the wrong type of guys. How? Here’s how the wrong mindset could sabotage your love life.

You’ll try to make any guy your ‘one’

Men and women have different relationship timelines. Where men date until they’re ready for a relationship to progress, women tend to fall into relationship mode from the get go. Blinded by the promise of a stable relationship, women have a tendency to make the next guy their guy. He may not meet her needs but she won’t see this. In fact, women who date from a state of anxiety often don’t know what their needs are – or what kind of man they need.

You’ll ignore your emotional needs

A good relationship is nourishing and uplifting. But when you have your eyes and mind set on ‘settling down’ and nothing else, you neglect what your heart needs. I’ve witnessed so many instances where a woman has married her guy only to get divorced a year or two later. When they look back at where they went wrong, they tell me they rushed into it because they felt pressured to settle down.

You’ll deny yourself of what’s really possible (immediate satisfaction)

Sometimes a breakthrough is right around the corner and yet we are too impatient to see it come to fruition. Immediate satisfaction can be an amazing feeling but you also risk missing out on something much better than mediocre relationships.

You’ll chase men away by showing the wrong intentions

Desperate vibes are real and men pick up on it. Most men aren’t afraid of commitment. They’re afraid of committing to the wrong woman. For them the wrong woman is one who is just looking for a guy to marry and father her babies. When it comes to men and commitment, it’s all about how they feel in a relationship. The woman with the right mindset makes them feel safe, makes them feel valued and appreciated. It makes them feel good. The women with the wrong mindset chases them away.

You’ll attract the same kind of energy

You attract what you think about. I’m a huge believer that your thoughts create your reality. And so if you’re always thinking that you’re running out of time or that you’ll never meet the right guy, those are the exact situations you’ll attract.

What if there was a way for you to enjoy dating while you were waiting for your ‘one’ to come along? What if you could change your perspective and see that there’s no need to rush?

When you put all your energy to date with intention and work on your mindset, your love life transforms quickly. I have the success stories to prove it. The secret sauce to finding love fast is really in the mindset work. It’s framing your mind so you know that your guy is on his way, that every ‘rejection’ is nearly a step closer to finding your ‘one’.

Want to learn more? Check out my Mindset Makeover course.

Not ready for a full dive into mindset work?

Photo by Remi Yuan on Unsplash


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.