What to do when he stops texting you

A question I get asked all the time is what to do when a guy stops texting you as often as he did before. If this has happened to you, you may be able to relate to the feels of anxiety and insecurity many experience, especially if your guy used to text you everyday but now daily texts have dwindled into a check in every 2-3 days. You wonder:

  • Has he lost interest?
  • Is he seeing someone else?
  • Is he just too busy?
  • Is he waiting for me to make a move?
  • Maybe he’s going through a rough patch and wants to be alone…

And your mind and imagination goes wild trying to figure out all the scenarios that could explain why he’s been MIA.

Without knowing the exact situation (because everyone relationship is unique), I can’t tell you why he’s stopped texting but what I can provide are a few things that can ease the anxiety and leave you more empowered over the circumstance.

Know that lack of texts does not always equal lack of interest

The first thought we tend to revert to when a guy stops showing us attention is that he is no longer interested in us. But reality is, some men hate texting and don’t think it’s necessary when they’ve locked in the next few dates with you. If you want to ease your fears that he’s lost interest, look for evidence. You may think he’s disinterested but do his actions show otherwise? For example, maybe you both have already agreed to go out on a weekend date or maybe he’s agreed to cook you dinner Saturday night. If he wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t be making plans. Next time you jump to conclusions, look for the evidence to support your thoughts.

How to get him to text you more often: Tell him how much you love getting a text from him. Doing so shows you appreciate his efforts and helps communicate your needs without being too demanding. (I have a whole bunch of scripts for these scenarios in my Ultimate Guide to Texting Men).

It’s time for you to make the first move

Most men do love a chase but a chase is no fun when the other person isn’t reciprocating. If you find that you’re always waiting for him to text you first, it may be time to initiate a few conversations yourself. Check in: when was the last time you sent him a text unprompted? It may be time to show him your interest.

Check into your mindset

Waiting to hear from a guy can bring out our most insecure selves. You may find that you’re always checking if your phone is working and taking it everywhere with you in case you miss a text. Next time you feel anxious about not hearing from a guy, reflect on where those feelings are coming from? Is it because of your urgency to meet someone quickly? Because you want this guy to be THE guy? What would happen if someone promised you that you’d meet your ‘one’ whether or not this guy texted you back? How would you react differently? If you came from a place of certainty that you’d meet someone, dealing with these situations would be a lot easier. This is mindset work that eases anxiety in dating and puts you in an empowered situation to attract loving relationships.

If you want to learn more about mindset work, check out my 30 day online bootcamp.

If you have a specific scenario I can help you with, get in touch.



Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.