Breakups. Synonymous with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, tissue boxes and lots of time spent analysing and talking about what went wrong. I’m not downplaying the devastating nature of them at all. For someone who built an entire blog off the back of a break up, I can still empathise when someone tells me they’ve just broken up with someone who they thought was ‘their one’.
But, perhaps…despite their bad rap, breakups have actually been misunderstood, misinterpreted. Here are 5 ways to find the silver linings in breakups and claim control back over your emotions and your love life.
Breakups are feedback
I had someone tell me that they wished we had a report card from every ex we dated, to know how well we scored in all areas of our relationship. I commended her for the accountability – not everyone wants to accept the role they played in a fall out of a breakup. But this woman made a great point, breakups are really a mirror to reflect how you showed up in the relationship so you can work on becoming a better version of yourself in the next relationship.
Everything that’s happening in your life (good or bad) is feedback to how you’re showing up. If you find that your relationships don’t last past the 3 month mark – take it as feedback, identify the pattern and then break it.
Example: One of my readers Jade found she attracted noncommittal men who were never ready for a relationship (Peter Pan syndrome). When we got to chatting 1:1 we realised that Jade was actually the one who was afraid of commitment. She had seen her parents and two older sisters got divorced and as a result, never wanted to invest her emotions in any relationships (in fear of the fallout she witnessed growing up).
Change is like a much needed vacation
Life changing events like the loss of a family member, a pet or a breakup can cause you to re-evaluate every area of your life. With a breakup probably comes a different routine (all of a sudden Friday nights in with Thai takeaway are over) and if you embrace it, it’s a great chance to grow. I have a friend who’s moved cities, taken up 3 new hobbies and had a big (once in a lifetime) type promotions. All she did was say yes to every opportunity presented in front of her.
There are two types of people in the world: the ones who see themselves as victims to every bad situation or the ones who see every situation as a chance to learn. It’s not what happens to you but what you do when shit happens.
Every breakup is a stepping stone to something better
You can see breakups as the end of the world or a stepping stone to a better relationship. If you take the time to reflect on what went wrong, I have no doubt you’ll learn from it. Regardless of who initiated the breakup, there are always two people at fault. I can blame my previous breakup on my ex for throwing a fast one on me but I also have the hindsight that I contributed to our fallout whether it was through my actions or lack thereof.
Sometimes breakups can be a blessing in disguise. Have you ever been grateful for a breakup?