What Does It Means When You Haven’t Made Things Official Yet

are we official?

You meet a guy and go out on a couple of great dates. He introduces you to his friends, and he didn’t freak out when he met yours. So when people ask if you two are ‘officially’ dating/ boyfriend and girlfriend, you’re confused. You’re doing all the things that people in relationships would do and yet, you two don’t have a ‘title’ yet. If he hasn’t brought up the ‘what are we’ conversation yet, it can be incredibly frustrating to play the guessing game. These days, you can’t just assume people are monogamous – in the early stages of dating, it’s fair game to date more than one person until you two have had the talk. So what’s the hold up anyway?

  1. Men Can Compartmentalise

Most can’t multi task but they are very good at juggling separating different aspects of their lives. What this means is this – just because a guy loves spending time with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s emotionally involved yet because his emotions sit in another ‘section’ of his brain. Getting physical doesn’t mean he’s emotionally committed, getting social with your friends doesn’t mean he’s emotionally connected…see the pattern? His actions can be misleading but unless a guy is emotionally invested, he’s capable of offering most things a relationship can (i.e. companionship, support, friendship) without feeling the need to commit.

2. They Have Other Life Priorities

I believe that when it comes to relationships, there is such thing as bad timing. This is because before a guy commits, he has a certain life check list to accomplish. Whether it be retirement at 30 or a milestone in his career, a man will want to achieve it before he pops the question or ‘settle down’. Some guys will want to reach that milestone with you but most I know have a one track mind to hit their life goals.

Sometimes a great opportunity to move/work overseas can be enough to sway a guy from wanting to commit, no matter how into you he may be. I’ve witnessed it and experienced it. If his career trumps his relationships, he’ll be hesitant to commit and there’s not much you can do about it…except wait around.

3. You’re Giving Him Mixed Signals

Men aren’t afraid of commitment. They’re afraid of committing to the wrong women. He may be ready to dive in head first into a relationship but are you? I’ve met some beautiful, stunning women who say they’re ready for a relationship but then they’ll meet a guy and sleep with a few other men at the same time. I don’t mean to pass judgement but if you’re sleeping with multiple men, you’re not exactly giving out the ‘hey! I’m ready for a relationship’ kind of vibe.

Have I helped you out here? If you haven’t had the chat yet, here are some guy approved ways to approach the topic:

  • Choose your timing. 2 dates might be too early to have that kind of conversation
  • Be direct but keep it light hearted
  • Don’t put any pressure on the guy

Iona

Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.

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