The 4 Times 30 Something Men Won’t Commit


Your teenage years are for first loves. Your 20s are for partying and making mistakes and for most women, your 30s are for weddings and baby making. But there is a growing number of 30 something single women out there frustrated by single 30 something men who can’t seem to make a commitment. There are many reasons for this, but if we were to narrow it down, the following would be it.

Men Think About Their Happily Ever After Too

They may not necessarily want a Disney movie fairy tale ending, but men (especially those who’ve had bad experiences in relationships) have an idea of what relationships should be like. I’ve worked with many men who seem to think relationships should be great all the time – and so when things are less than average, they cut and run because it doesn’t match their expectation. It’s important you know from the beginning what his expectations are.

A man who is in it for the long haul will know that relationships take compromise and work – that it’s not meant to be 100 per cent rainbows and butterflies all the time. If you want to know if he’s willing to make it work no matter what, ask him what his ideal relationship looks like. What he says will tell you a lot.

They Have Time On Their Side

Whilst women are dealing with a ticking biological clock, the 30s are prime for a single male. It’s when their careers start taking off and they’re finally making good money. And so who can blame them for wanting to enjoy it a bit longer? Especially when they think time is on their side.

When asked why they waited so long to find someone to settle down with, the most common thing my male clients tell me is that they can always ‘date younger’. If you want to know if your date is ready for marriage and kids, ask him what his 5 year plan is. The ones who are ready for a commitment will include marriage and kids in the picture. If he’s telling you that he wants to focus on his career, travel overseas and see where things go, he’s probably not looking to settle down any time soon.

He Doesn’t Have His Ducks In a Row

Marriage and kids can get in the way of your finances and career and so before a man is ready to settle down, he’ll want to make sure all his ducks are in a row. It’s the reason why men are getting married later in life – they’re waiting to check off their life list. The life list could mean owning a home, getting a promotion, earning a specific amount of money. You could be his dream girl and he could miss you because of his laser beam focus to achieve his goals.

If you’re looking for a man who’s ready for commitment, find out if he’s happy with where his life is at. In my experience, the type of men who are ready for a commitment are usually the ones who have their life together.

You Aren’t The Right Woman For Him

They say timing is everything but if you aren’t the right woman for him, it really doesn’t matter. How many times have you heard someone say they weren’t ready for a girlfriend/boyfriend but then get into a relationship the next week? It’s not because they weren’t ready for a relationship, they just weren’t ready for a relationship with you.

If you stick around in a relationship like that, you may be able to turn a casual thing into something more serious but I always ask my clients to consider the kind of love they deserve. Do you want to be with someone who slowly warms up to the idea of a relationship with you or do you want someone who is just in it to win it and willing to dive head first to be with you?

If you want to know if you’re the right woman for him, use your gut instincts and pay attention to what he says. If you’re the right woman, you won’t have to guess his intentions towards you – he’ll tell you himself.

Despite the reasons why 30 something men can’t commit, there are 30 something men out there who are ready for a commitment, you just have to learn how to recognise them.

As published in Body and Soul 

Image via Alex Hockett


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.



  1. Reply



    Im 38 years old about to be 39 in March. I never expected to be this age and not married. I spent the last two and a half years living with the man I thought I would spend my life with. He’s older 42 about to be 43. He broke up with me two months ago. Do I have any chance I finding my “right” man?

    • Reply



      Of course you can find the ‘right man’! You just need to have the right mindset and figure out what you really want to begin with (most people think they know but don’t). I know what that feels like. No breakup is ever nice and when you’re in your 30s, there’s that added pressure to get it right, get married and have babies. I know there’s a bit of age difference but it’s how I felt when I turned 31 and my ex had just broken up with me. There’s always a chance to meet the right person, it doesn’t matter how old you are or what you look like. I’m actually working on a project you might be interested! Stay tuned and good luck. He’s out there. Believe he’s on his way!