A Lesson from My Boyfriend (and his mumma) – The One Thing You Shouldn’t Put Off

This post was scheduled in my calendar but I couldn’t think of a more timely week to post it. Every time I turn on the tv or scan the headlines, I see words about war, hate, threats and people being killed. I see people, politicians shifting blame. I see rants about Muslims and criticism over politicians but all I can think of are the families who have lost a mother, father, brother, sister, friend, spouse. And this is not just the lives lost in recent events, there is conflict everywhere and to be frank the only feeling I have is sadness about how cruel we (humans) can be to each other. It’s easy to get angry, of course it is. But I believe that the universe does have balance and where there’s hate, there is also love. Which brings me to my topic of the week.

Tell Someone You Love Them. Do It Today.

My boyfriend often tells me he loves me – out of the blue. And he says it like he means it, not because it’s clock work, like something you do like brushing your teeth. He looks me in the eye and says it with intent. When I ask him why, he replies – ‘no reason, my mumma always told me you should tell someone exactly how you feel, because you never know when you’ll get the chance to next’.

He is present in our relationship and I’m so grateful for that. But it also reminds me of all the other relationships I put in auto-pilot mode. Our lives move so quickly that it’s easy to put a routine in place and then switch into auto-pilot mode. I’ve been guilty of this. I’m talking about the routine ‘I love yous’ said out of habit, the goodbye kisses exchanged out of hurriedness, conversations had whilst I was checking my Instagram feed – in time you find that those tokens of affection lose their meaning in your routine.

When was the last time you told someone that you loved them?

Now, when was the last time you said it and really thought about the words and the meaning behind them?

I come from an Asian family where everyone is conservative about their feelings (and hugs) so it’s taken me a little longer to grasp this idea. But I truly believe you put in what you get. Be brave enough to tell someone how you feel – it could be someone you’ve been dating, your husband/wife, your parents, a friend you’ve been crushing on…just don’t miss the opportunity.

If you’re shy with your feelings, start with a hand written note or card. Here’s a little inspiration. I got this little text from my friend Claire over the weekend, it made my day:

Thanks again for your ear. You are a really special person in my life and always will be. I am so glad we have remained friends and I look forward to visiting your new pad and meeting your man. xx

Such a simple note and it made my day. If Claire hadn’t told me that, I wouldn’t have known the kind of impact I have in her life. You just can’t assume people know how you feel.

Try it.

Write a note, send a text, make a phone call. They are actions that take minutes but have an affect that will last for days/months/a lifetime depending your words.

So go on. Think of 3 people you care about and tell them you love them.

Don’t Hold It Off.

Photo Credit: Nathan Walker via Unsplash 


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.