Are You Giving Off the Desperate Vibe?


My guy friends have a knack for pointing out women who really want to find someone. I’m always amused by how they come to these conclusions because they pick up on the most subtle clues. When asked how they do it, they shrug and tell me it’s just a vibe they get. Most guys I know aren’t very intuitive and they don’t read between the lines. So if they can ‘pick up’ the ‘desperate vibes’, they must be pretty strong.

My boyfriend and I met one of my girlfriends the other day. When we got home, the first thing he said was: ‘Wow. Darlene really wants to meet someone doesn’t she?’ It was true. She did. When I asked how he came to that observation, he said ‘guys just know when a woman is desperate to find a man’. I probed even further to uncover how guys can pick up these so called ‘vibes’. According to them, there are tell tales signs of a woman who is desperate to meet a man. Don’t be one of them.

Here are a few tell tales signs, as told to me by the guy panel.

They are Serial Daters

Women who spend every night of the week are on a mission to find someone. They will neglect their usual hobbies and ditch their friends for a date. She typically has several guys she’s talking to, not because she is playing the field but it’s the ‘safe’ option to have a few back ups in the pipeline: “My friend Josie talks about her dates incessantly. It’s all she ever talks about. There’s a new guy on the scene every week. It’s so hard to keep up. She’s just dating to fill a void and it’s so obvious. It’s fine to hear the stories but you can tell she really wants to meet someone”, Chris, 37.

Our take: It’s fine to date multiple guys at once. Why not? You’re single. But it’s also important to make sure you invest time into other areas of your life. You need to be genuinely happy with your life (on your own) and if your only way to happiness is to find someone, you have a bit of work to do. The only relationship that will last a lifetime is the one you have with yourself. Get that right first and whoever comes into your life will just be an added bonus. Change your mindset to change your love life. Trust me, this works.

You might also like: Why being single is like being unemployed

They are Jaded by the Dating Scene

“Dating is so hard. All men are assholes. It’s so hard to find guys my age who are single.” Women who give off the desperate vibe are always complaining about their single status and the ‘calibre’ of men out there. It’s fine to have a vent about the duds you meet but women who are a bit desperate to meet someone are always talking about how they can’t meet a guy. They will let everyone know how hard the dating scene is. This kind of negative speak dominates every conversation you’ll have with her, because her main focus in life is to meet someone”, says Al, 27.

Our take: Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. I’ve been there. Dating can make you feel jaded but the difference between a woman who oozes desperate vibes vs one who doesn’t is their attitude towards dating. A woman who is comfortable on her own will laugh off a bad date and move on. So if you’ve had a string of bad dates, tell a few girlfriends (or me) and get on with it. It’s a waste of time to hold onto that negative energy.

They are On Every Other Dating App

Everything is good in moderation. This includes dating apps. When you’re on every dating app available, some will take note: “I’m on multiple dating apps, not because I want to meet THE ONE but I just want to meet as many women as I can. You can judge me but that’s the phase I’m going through. It may come off as a double standard but when I stumble into same woman via multiple dating apps, I always avoid her. She definitely wants a husband”, says Fred, 30.

Our take: Go out and get off your phone. You’re probably thinking it’s counter intuitive. Why go out when you can meet all these men in your pjs? Because you need to make real connections and get a life. Dating apps in general can be a hit or miss. People can be fickle and whilst I like the idea of them, they can be superficial. Too much swiping and you’ll get lost in a heap of mediocre conversations with guys you will probably never meet. It’s a bit of fun but it shouldn’t be your only way of meeting men.

Have you been guilty of the above? I have!

Image via Unsplash by Camila Cordeiro 


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.