You’re always told, “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” and that is true. But the older you get, the chances are the fish that’s meant for you hasn’t been swimming solo its entire life. In fact, you could easily fall for a fish that has little fishes of his own – AKA falling in love with a man who has children. Most women don’t plan for it, but when your heart says you’ve met the one, you’re more than willing to go from single lady to family gal. But the truth is, it’s far from a walk in the park and there are some things that your average married couple doesn’t experience that you will. Read on for some insider tips on what you should know before marrying a man with kids:
You should remain independent and make sure you can financially support yourself. It’s rare that a man who supports himself and his children will have enough dough left over to support you, too.
Don’t lose sight of focusing on yourself and your interests. This will help you avoid becoming submerged solely in his interests and those of his children.
Always remember your goals and what you want to accomplish as an independent woman. Just because you went from single woman to having a family doesn’t mean your goals need to disappear. While every marriage and family may cause people’s dreams to take a back seat on occasion, you should never stop working for your personal aspirations.
His friends and family members may provide unwarranted comments about how he should’ve enjoyed the single life more after his divorce. These comments will irk you, but if you prepare for them, they’ll be a bit easier to dust off.
Protect your private spaces and keep your friends, family and those who have always been there for you close. With many relationships strewing, from those of his past family to those of his children and their friends, it’s important to prioritize your own relationships and still make them a big part of your new life.
Prepare to face a past that will always be a part of your present. This past wasn’t your past, but will now become your reality.
Fortify your self-esteem for those moments when you’ll have to face his ex at activities like graduations, birthdays and so forth. Much easier said than done, no matter how old you are or how long ago the divorce was.
He will love you very much, but his love for his kids will come first.
Depending on the time you’ve been married, prepare to hear him call you by his ex wife’s name on more than one occasion. Also, prepare to hear the automatic excuse of “She doesn’t matter to me. Can’t you see I’m with you now?” when he does slip up. It happens a lot more often than you could imagine.
You may potentially be excluded from activities, like graduation ceremonies that are limited by a number of tickets, or medical appointments that are for the nuclear family only.
Prepare to both cope and struggle with children who were raised in a lifestyle different to how you’d raise them.
Prepare to go through struggles that standard marriages don’t, but prepare to become stronger, wiser and more passionate about life and love than you ever thought you would be.