How Mr.Perfect Taught Me to Embrace My Partner’s Flaws

Finding-mr-perfect

This isn’t a story about happily ever after, in fact – it’s quite the opposite. Mr.Perfect’s name was Sebastian. He was handsome, intelligent, well read, well dressed – a complete gentleman and very charming. If you were to envision a real life version of Prince Charming, he’d be it. Girls wanted to date him and guys wanted to be him.

Him and I were good friends, we shared a love for Downton Abbey and tea and I could tell him anything I wanted and he’d listen with kind eyes and patient ears.  He loved fashion and my occasional beauty advice but he wasn’t the GBF ‘Gay Best Friend’ you’re envisioning. Sebastian was masculine, well built and sporty. A guy could come around and talk sport and he’d be in his element. He was versatile in the best way possible.

But even though everyone loved him, Mr.Perfect was perpetually single. His nights weren’t without a few one night stands but he never found a girl to introduce to his family nor to ever call his girlfriend. Instead, he loved his alone time, never letting one in. He’d spend weekends going to the library or reading in the botanical gardens alone and seemed to enjoy it. I thought he loved life. But it wasn’t til I stayed over (as a friend) that I realised how lonely he was.

I was settling in for a night in Sebastian’s room (I was house sitting) when a pile of paper dropped to the ground. Most of the pages were blank except for one with faint scribble. Curious, I took a quick glance. On that one sheet was a small list – kind, intelligent, ready for a relationship…it was a list of what he wanted in a girl. When I confronted him about this he told me that he was lonely and ready for a relationship. He had signed up for Spanish lessons, sewing classes and yoga – so he could meet the woman he was going to marry.

A few months later I caught up with Sebastian and asked how his search was going. Deflated he said he’d met a few but not ‘the one’. He told me he was doing everything he could to meet her but she just wasn’t showing up. A month later he decided to move overseas indefinitely – wanted a ‘change of life’ he said. And so he did. I received a few emails about some brief encounters he had with women. For about 6 months this continued until he decided that moving overseas was not what he had expected. Moving back to Australia (but to another state) was definitely the solution.

When he settled in Melbourne, I went to visit him. He looked like the same person I’d known only he seemed sad and a little defeated. When asked how it was all going, he said Melbourne wasn’t what he expected – that he still hadn’t found her and needed to start a new life…completely torn from his past. For that reason, he had to stopped speaking to me.

After that he never returned any of my emails. I don’t know if Sebastian ever found his Mrs.Perfect. Maybe his expectations were too high, maybe he wasn’t really ready to meet someone else but what I know is that ‘perfect’ is never what it seems. 

Sometimes people who look like they have it all together are really falling apart inside. I’m not sure what really happened to Mr.Perfect, he was the type of guy every girl hoped to marry and yet he was single. I believe that everyone who comes into your life teaches you a lesson. Mr.Perfect taught me to embrace someone for their flaws because it’s easier to work on issues you can see then ones hidden underneath years of suppression.

Sometimes you need to meet a Mr.Perfect to embrace your partner’s flaws.

Photo via Thomas Brault

Iona

Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.

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