We all know there are 3 sides to a story. His. Hers. The truth. So you can imagine how hard divorce settlements can be amongst the he said she said on who screwed up most in their matrimony. No one ever thinks of divorce when they’re planning the wedding of their dreams. Pre-wedding, conversations about money are either about wedding budgets and who has been maxing out the credit card. It’s terribly unromantic to talk about the prospective of divorce when you haven’t even walked down the aisle. Not to be the anti-christ to St.Valentine here but the divorce rates are alarming and many relationships have a 10 year shelf life. Where do you stand when it comes to prenups? Should you get a prenup? We asked our panel.
Would you get a prenup?
Alex: You have to get all the arguments out of the way before you get married. Talking about prenups is one of them. But to answer your question, yea you probably have to. It’s not so much about the protection of assets but planning to avoid a messy break up.
Amy: I never thought I’d be the type to ask for one but now that I’m in my early 30s, I’ve seen friends hook up, get married and divorce. You know how they say falling in love is easy and falling out of it is hard? It’s like marriage. In a divorce, you’re dealing with the emotions of a break up and then you have all the stress of splitting your finances and assets as well. No breakup can be amicable when you’re fighting over who gets the Lexus. Ultimately, I think it depends on your financial circumstance of your ‘potential’. If one makes more than the other, than yes, it’s worth considering.I know friends who don’t have any assets but could potentially inherit a large sum of money.
Nick: No. It defeats the whole point in getting married. To get a prenup is saying I love you for better or for worse but terms and conditions apply.
2. How would you react if your partner wanted a prenup, not you?
Alex: Drunken rage. (Just kidding)
Amy: It depends on my financial situation and the dynamic of our relationship. Say he was the main earner and a billionaire, sure. I understand the risk. It could get complicated though…prenups usually have a set $$ of what you’re entitled to – it’s like evaluating the value of a race horse before they buy it. Will it have ROI, will it breed healthy offspring, how much value would it add to your life. It’s hard to put a dollar amount for that.
Nick: I’d question their views of marriage.
3. Do you think prenups are a self-fulling prophecy…like you’re doomed to fail?
Alex: Yes. Everyone who gets prenups gets divorce. It would save money if you started going on about what the prenup says or not get married at all.
Amy: Yes but you can’t be idealistic about it. People do get divorced. You don’t want to be left with nothing. I read that women take twice as long to recover financially from a divorce.
Nick: Yep. Why plan to fail? You should always focus on the positive…not what might happen.
4. The possibility of divorce is obviously a delicate topic, especially when money is involved. How do you tread lightly?
Alex: Marry someone who is not going to get upset about talking about such things.
Amy: If you’re going to marry this guy, you’d hope you can talk to him about anything. Just be honest and don’t sugar coat. If you can’t get past heated debates over money, it might be time to reassess the relationship.
Nick: Open honesty.
5. True or false. Can money or lack of money ruin a marriage?
Alex: False. Circumstances don’t ruin a marriage. It’s how we view those circumstances.
Amy: Money doesn’t make or break a relationship but it definitely helps. Most issues and arguments happen over finances and budget. If you have that under control, it’s one less thing to fight about.
Nick: No. Not if you have a strong marriage. How long a relationship lasts depends on how much 2 people are willing to commit to making it last. If you know there’s a backup plan and a prenup, it makes the exit to a marriage so much more convenient…and let’s face it, it’s human nature to take short cuts.
So what do you think? Would you get a prenup? Do you have one? Leave us a note.