Editor’s Note: Before you read on, I’d like to emphasize that this is NOT an article to teach men how to be jerks. Simply put, it’s one that helps women identify when she’s encounter a dirtbag trick. It’s meant to give you some insight into how (some) men actually think in the most uncensored way possible…which is why we haven’t edited the below. No sugar coating has been applied to the following.
Do you really love your girlfriend but sometimes, you just want to stick your penis into other girls?
Alas! There’s a way to be faithful to your girlfriend, sleep with Svetlana from the club, and still sleep at night with a clear conscience. Here’s how:
1. Maintain a double life where you’re flirting with Svetlana (via snapchat) while also being a good boyfriend by waiting obediently by the mall fountain as your girlfriend buys shit only other girls find sexy.
2. When you feel that Svetlana’s ready to take it “into the next level” (i.e. let you grab her boob), make plans with her for the upcoming weekend. Oh yeah, don’t tell your girlfriend.
3. Days prior to the big date, bait your girlfriend into picking a fight with you. 4. When she does, tell her that you want to take a temporary break to “think things over”. 5. Go on the date and invade Svetlana like she’s Ukraine and you’re Putin’s secret army. 6. After that’s done, tell your girlfriend that you’ve thought things over and you miss her and want to get back together. 7. Get back together and live happily ever after. (Repeat steps 1-6 if opportunity arises again) ! Why it works: The “break up time” must be as short as possible. Ideally, even just one night. It should be short enough that your girlfriend would never fathom you could even logistically cheat given such a short time window. I mean, “doesn’t it take effort to cheat?” she would comment to her friend; who’s too busy taking a selfie with her food to reply. Your girl could have never fathomed that you’ve set this up weeks prior and she played perfectly into your elaborate plan. She would never have imagined you would be this big of a dirtbag. Congrats! ! From your end, you didn’t really cheat on your girlfriend as you guys were technically on a break. If she wanted, she could have slept with some guy as well (although I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen). So, if you’re ever asked if you’ve ever cheated, the answer is technically…no.
Photo Credit: WoodleyWonderWorks