By Iona with comments from Mark and Jack
The first date often holds so much promise. Be it the promise of a new found fling, a love prospect or the idea that this one could be ‘the one’, there’s something about a first date that instills nervousness and excitement all at once. Even with this kind of optimism, first dates are a hit of miss regardless of where you met them (and this doesn’t just apply to Tinder dates). I may have been out of the dating scene for awhile but there was a time where everyone knew what the dating etiquette was right?
1. CURB YOUR SEXPECTATIONS
So perhaps you’re just looking for a no strings attached hook up but unless you know your date has similar intentions, it’s best to hold off on your expectations of scoring on the first date. Don’t ask her about her cup size, previous sexual partners or what she’s like in bed – this is not seductive in any way (If you are wondering- the answer is yes. I was asked all three questions on a recent date). You don’t want to be the sleazy guy she tells her friends and co-workers about the next day.
Jack: If you have sexpectations then you can alter the conversation a little to appear more flirtatious, without being a sleaze that is. You should never make your date feel uncomfortable by saying things that would make your mum shake her head. If you are a guy that has to fight back the urge to say stupid things then you should probably date someone who is the same. It’s only a matter of time before you offend a more sensible date. If you truly like this girl then be a gentleman and keep the conversation friendly and light hearted, a stupid one-liner that worked once in your twenties might not work for you nowadays.
Mark: Guys, if you want to gauge if she’s going to put out, grab a recent headline/research about sex and ask her what her view is on it. Go from there.
2. YOU ASK, YOU PAY
It’s not a double standard. If us gals asked you out on a date, we should pay. Likewise, if you offer to take us out for dinner, you should pay. Otherwise, you’ll forever be labeled as the stingy dude without a name. When it comes to paying the bill or not paying it, it could be a deal breaker for 8/10 girls.
Jack: Definitely the case. He who sets the date, pays for the date. It would look silly if a girl asked me to try a new restaurant she knows of and then expected me to pay for her planned night out. Even if some guys insist to pay, and they will, let them. And then don’t call them again, most likely have a controlling personality.
Mark: Always pay. Even if she was the one that asked you out. Just don’t drink so much the next day with your buddies and you’ll make that money back.
3. HOLD THE TEXT
There are a plethora of ways you can reach us but sometimes a phone call is a very nice gesture. Besides, who has the patience to have full text conversations anyway? It seems many of us do. If a conversation requires more than 3 texts, pick up the phone so we can remember what you sound like. Why do you guys prefer text over phone anyway?
Jack: Suck it up and make the call. Texting marathons are for teenage girls. I do like the 3 text rule, perfect. Women will think you are a man if you make the call rather than using emoticons to tell her that you are laughing or have crosses for eyes. It may be nerve-wracking but its what adults do.
Mark: This I can’t agree with – girls text as much as guys. Phone calls are so 90’s. I hate it when girls say “whatever happened to an old fashioned man?” If you wanted an “old fashioned man, then you’re asking for a hard drinking, wife beating hard ass that thinks women belong in the kitchen. Be careful what you ask for.
MAKE a D
If you’ve asked someone out, you should do the planning. It shows you’ve got control of the situation and that you want your date to have a great time. If you’ve asked this girl out, it’s highly likely you’d want to impress her so don’t just take her to the pub around the corner – you might want to put some thought into it.
Jack: This doesn’t mean you have to start collecting a bouquet of wild flowers from the forrest, it means you have to choose a location, do some research on a nice restaurant so you don’t end up eating a burrito from a van, make reservations even if its a Monday night, and then have a place lined up for a quiet drink if the night is going well. Maybe clean your car if you are picking her up too. When I plan a date it takes 10 mins to make this happen. If you are winging it you are bound to look the fool and give the impression that the date meant little to you.
Mark: This is tricky because if you pull out all the stops, then you’re coming off as desperate. If you do that crap you see on youtube with flashmobs and renting out the restaurant, I’d think that this is some kind of a joke or you’re a bit on the wonky side. You can plan ¾ of the date and leave the rest to whatever the night calls for (walk her home or non-stop all night sex – whichever the wind blows).
WE NOTICE THE SMALL THINGS
I know from first hand experience that chivarly is not dead. So things like holding the door, pouring wine/water for your date, taking her home don’t go unnoticed regardless of how small the detail is.
Jack: You should be doing this for anybody anyhow, not just for a pretty face. Girls, if your date isn’t doing these things naturally, then take the ‘emergency’ call you ask your friends to make… yes we know.
Mark: We’ll do that only if you promise to stop whatsapping your loser friends updating them on how the date is going.