Can a Guy and Girl Just Be Friends? (with comments by Mark)

Guy advice

We asked Mark

Can a Guy and Girl Just Be Friends? (A question only attractive girls can ask)

This hot topic couldn’t be addressed without a guy’s opinion and so here – you will see Mark’s comments in blue.

This has got to be a controversial topic that never dies. So, having read all the articles out there i.e. Signs you’re more than friends, When you want to be more than friends, How to get from friend to boyfriend…etc – I’m still at a lost. What’s the verdict? Does friend zone even exist ( oh, friendzone exists 100%, one of the most nefarious concepts conceived by women.) or is it a place for singletons denying their feelings for a friend? Confused- I’ve asked Mark to comment here.

In my entire 31 years of existence, I have been lucky to make and keep some awesome guy friends but they are rare (or are still secretly holding out. Just get him drunk and see what happens) No it’s not for my lack of social skills that I can’t make and keep guy friends. Let me preface this by ‘friend’ – I mean a straight male I’m equally close to as my girlfriends whom I’ve never developed feelings for and whom never developed feelings for me (at least that I know of). So why is it so difficult to for a guy and girl to co-exist without one developing feelings for another? (Read: Can chemistry build over time?)

A guy and girl can only be friends if a) both have significant others and are in happy relationships b) one party is in a happy relationship c) if the friendship is one of those life long relationships (you know, brother from another mother type). It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends- if both parties are single, you can bet there’s a chance for a spark. ( define “spark”, most of the time, the guys just want some casual sex cause you know, that always works out at the end) Cue pop culture references: Joey Potter and Dawson (obviously from Dawson’s Creek), When Harry Met Sally. ( Goddamn, we’re old.)  

My friend Adam and I have been friends for 3.5 years now – genuinely just friends. Some time ago, we agreed that our personalities were so polarising it would never work. But even then, we gave it superficial thought. Adam and I are friends because there is absolutely no attraction there. ( physical attraction? If you guys get along, isn’t chemistry more important?)  That said, we still believe that if humans lived for a billion years – at some point one of us would consider dating the other (note we said a BILLION years). Point being – if even Adam and I gave it some thought, it’s no surprise that people commonly look to friends as prospects when single. When it all boils down – it’s a matter of timing. (this is contradictory, you just said that because of your personality differences, you wouldn’t date each other, now you’re saying it’s a timing issue?) Ok Mark – I see your point…not saying that the relationship would be a success but if we had a billion years we’d probably test the waters at some point.

Here’s how it happens. You’re often friends with people you’re attracted to and this goes for your guy and girl friends. You may not find them physically attractive but there’s something there because even friendships need chemistry. ( i.e. they give me an ego trip) So take a single girl, a single guy and a little bit of attraction and watch the story unfold. You see how it’s all about timing? When you’re single, you tend to suss out all your prospects. My guy Matt tells me how it goes. Guy breaks up with girl. Guy then serial dates and realises he’s too old to pick up girls at a bar. Guy spends his time going on friendly dates with his girl friend…they spend more and more time together and BAM…just like that he’s fallen for her and they get married. It happens more than you think in your 30s. It’s because by now you’ve friended people who share similar values and goals in life – it’s the foundation of a relationship. ( It sounds more like settling for the consolation prize to me.) But Mark- does it or is it people just slow to reaslise what they wanted was in front of them all along? Like taking the scenic route.

So to conclude, even if we could live till a billion years old chances are you and your friend will hook up at some point or other before that. If you don’t you can bet one will confess their love at some point. ( It feels like you’re painting a picture of desperation, the billion years is equivalent to saying “the last man on the planet”. Who’s more likely to confess their love? Boys or girls? I say boys.)

How do friendships blossom into romance anyway? How do life long friendships suddenly turn into epic love stories that make you want to cringe and admire at the same time?

Mark’s P.O.V. – When I was young, I attended elementary school with my brother. He was in grade 6 and I was in grade 4. One day, his class had a bake sale and he brought cookies to sell. I knew exactly which cookies he bought because my entire family went to the supermarket to buy them. When the day came, my class was went to their class and I brought along $2 to make my purchase. I thought I’d help my brother by buying his cookies. I looked for my brother but he was nowhere to be found. Instead, I saw his classmate selling his cookies on his behalf. I bought $2 worth of cookies from her. I was happy because I had helped my brother. The cookies were familiar and I was comfortable with my purchase since I knew exactly how they tasted. 

At the end of the day, my brother and I walked home from school together. He asked me what I bought at the bake sale. I replied “I bought our cookies.” He said, “Why would you buy something we already have? You’re supposed to try someone else’s cookies. You’ve totally missed the point.”

There you go. 

 

Iona

Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.

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3 Comments

  1. Reply

    Mj

    000

    Ok, so I have spent most of my adult life single, and yet I still have a handful of good guy mates, some of whom have been single for nearly as long as I was. Some of these mates confessed what they thought was a romantic love at some point or another, but when we talked it through, we worked out that they were just sick of dating and wanted to settle down – I helped them realise that I wasn’t the right person for that and after the awkward conversation, we remained close friends.
    I think, you (Iona) have hit the nail on the head with attraction being the cause claim. Because when you feel like you have exhausted your options you look back over the people you have dated, wonder about whether you dismissed exes too easily, think about that mate who has always been there for you, wonder what it would be like, and romanticise about how perfect it could be (plus mutual friends usually push you in that direction as well). So I think that attraction + succumbing to the pressures of aging, singledom and fairy-tales makes guy/girl friendships difficult but not impossible. If you want to keep your friendship platonic, I think the key is communication, and having the awkward conversations before someone resorts to the misinterpreted love confessions.

  2. Reply

    Sarjana

    000

    why this is so difficult to everybody? whose fault is it that every relationship from grandamamas to children are interpreted sexual, if it’s not your brother or coworker ? and still there is rumors about you and your coworker. and feminist are contributing this separatist ideology where people are separated by their genitals, depends your genitals whose side you ought to be, in politics also., who is responsible about that? why guys are boys now days and ladies are girls are we so yang, which led to that that children start to behave like adults past days and adult start to need toys and pink and light blue stuff around them, who is going to fix these things? come on everybody …..think what you spanking and how, because it leads you to actions and other people copying you and then there is exponent – it goes to magazine as good thing, and whole nation is fool of adult who cant take any responsibility to their actions and mans and women are arguing all the time, and time goes to that!

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