Dear Mark…

Dear Mark,

Q: Why do guys hate fringes or short hair on a girl?

A: They will be either be South American or an Arts student and therefore must be avoided.

Q: Why do guys engage in co-ed sports and then never pass the ball/frisbee to girls?

A: Sorry to break it to you girls but you’re there for some eye candy whilst we aren’t involved in the play. Don’t wear skin tight pants if you want the ball. Why do you wear tight pants anyway?

Q: Could harem pants ever look hot?

A: When Vanilla ice wears Parachute pants again you will know its time.

Q: What’s up with the obsession with Angelina Jolie?

A: Since when is a mother of six kids sexy??? I’d still go there…

Q: Why is commitment so scary for a guy?

A: One commits suicide and murder… Maybe say why can’t you ‘participate’ in this relationship instead.

Q: How do I know he’ll call after the first date?

A: If you had fun then he’ll call. If you talked about how much you love your fourteen cats then he won’t. Simple.

Q: Why do guys string you along with text messages when they’re not interested?

A: If you’re texting like a teenager then you may as well be dating one. Most men hate long texting matches cause they have better things to do. Grow some balls and make some calls… that just happened.

Q: Do looks always trump personality?

A: Yes. Gym, dress, appearance. Keep those things in mind and any girl can be beautiful. Some just have to work harder. Even beast got belle in the end. Kidnapping seems to work.

Q: Can I guy and girl just be friends?

A: Yep but only if the guy can meet women easily. If he hasn’t had much experience then he will go for any girl that shows him any attention. Don’t be friends with losers…


Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.