The things you're doing that confuse the S&*( out of men.
If you read Things Women Do That Confuse Men Part 1, you might like Part 2. The following are thoughts from a guy, written by a guy.
I’m sensing a vibe from you and we’re getting along great. Suddenly, you’re off the radar and playing hard to get.
How it happens – You’re turning down my invites left and right. You’re all over social media so I know your phone is glued to your hand yet I can’t score a single text. Now you’re following up great dates with flaky excuses as to why you’re busy. The minute details change but the story stays the same. Just when you think she’s into you, she vanishes.
How to avoid confusion – For guys, the easiest thing to do is get frustrated and walk away. So girls, try not to pull completely back when you’re gauging our interest and commitment. We know you play hard to get as a way of weeding out the guys who are looking for a one night stand and keeping hold of the ones who want to pursue something more. But maintaining enough contact and to keep guys in the game will stop you from losing someone when you were trying to do the exact opposite.
We just had a fight. But you say you don’t want to talk about it. So why are you fuming because I’m not talking about it?!
How it happens – You don’t get the good times without the bad. Which means friction is inevitable when you’re on the dating scene. So, we’ve just had a disagreement that’s left a sour taste in the mouth. You say its fine and you don’t want to talk about it. But when I take your word for it you’re mad at me for not talking about it!
How to avoid confusion – This one comes down to a progression in feelings. There’s a clear correlation between the severity of a reaction and the feelings involved. If he doesn’t bat an eyelid when you fight, you should worry. But by telling him not to communicate then seething if he doesn’t you’re asking him to be a mind reader. Don’t push him away then hope he comes back. If you’re legitimately frustrated and need some time then be honest. Tell him you want to sort things out when you’ve cooled down. Don’t get in a habit of the silent treatment after confrontation. It’s an easy habit to fall into but much harder to break out of.
You just compared me to your ex and I’m confused. SO confused.
How it happens – Being compared to an ex feels somewhere between weird, awkward and uncomfortable. I’ve just been compared to a guy I don’t know and probably don’t want to know. Maybe it’s the way we dress, act or treat you. Whatever the comparison is, it’s undeniably drawing a link between the previous guy and us.
How to avoid confusion – Take a deep breath and let the comparison sink in for a moment. It’s easy for both parties to let emotion take over and read too much into it. Unless the comparison was obviously putting your new flame down, you should be ok with a level head. We know your previous dating choices make up who you are and in that way it’s natural you’d be referencing things from the past. We get it, guys have a type too. The sooner everyone gets over the awkwardness of chatting about exes the better.
You want to know if I’ve ever cheated on anyone. Nobody is perfect so I’ll admit it if I have but my honesty gets you mad. I can’t win.
How it happens – It usually pops up in the early stages of dating. We’re getting to know each other on a more intimate level. Have you ever done this? Would you ever do that? Then it drops into the conversation like a sack of bricks. “Have you ever cheated on a partner?” I tell you I have. It was years ago when I was young and stupid. Despite those best intentions, you’re mad.
How to avoid confusion – Having infidelity in your past doesn’t define anyone so if a man is open and honest consider if it adds to your current dynamic or not. If it’s a part of his personal story and has helped them become the man you’ve felt yourself falling for then it may add to the trust and intimacy of your fledgling relationship. Accept the fact you’re mad, it reflects good ethics and values, but remind yourself that dating is about maturity and accepting people for who they are, not what they were. Remember, every cloud has a silver lining.
You say you’ll be ready to go out the door in 5 minutes. 20 minutes later we’re still waiting to leave.
How it happens – This one starts to happen the more we hang out. In the early stages, we’re meeting up with military precision. I’m at the door right on time and you’re ready to go. Then something changes and things take a little longer. Suddenly 5 minutes is more like 20 minutes and I’m really not sure why.
How to avoid confusion – There’s a well-known expression that’s says, ‘when a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 minutes, it’s the same as when a guy says there’s only 5 minutes left in the footy’. Time is flexible when it’s spent doing something we value. If a guy gets confused about the way time flows in your routine, remind him it’s only because you want to look amazing for your date and he’ll be happy to let you have your extra minutes.
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iona (@) 30everafter.com.
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