All the ‘feminists” in my social network will roll their eyes when I say this but men and women are not made equal. Not only are we physically built differently, we approach and solve problems differently. But this post isn’t about gender equality. It’s about the things we as women do that sometimes confuse the sh&* out of men. Recently I put together a list of things women do that men consistently tell me about. Have you been guilty of any of the following?
You say you like me then flirt with someone else right in front of me
How it happens – In the dating manual, this is filed under ‘confusing as hell’. It always plays out the same. We hit it off and we’ve been texting and chatting non-stop. We end up going out. There’s a real chemistry and we can both feel it. The next thing I know you’re off chatting with another guy, the flirting in full overdrive.
How to avoid confusion – Let’s get one thing out of the way. Flirting is ok. To express the playful aspects of your personality or even to make sure you’ve still got that ‘it’ factor in the dating game. The issue comes when flirting creates mixed signals. Are you into me or into the guy I’m watching you flirt with? To avoid confusion be upfront about your views on flirting. If you’re a playful person with a flirty attitude the be open about it. Setting boundaries early is key and if a guy knows it’s who you are he’s much more likely to accept and understand your behaviour.
We go out to eat and you say you’re not hungry. Halfway through the meal you’re picking at my plate
How it happens – It’s a dating ritual as old as time itself. After lengthy deliberation, we decide on a restaurant and get that cute two seater table by the window. You say you’re not very hungry so you order something small. When the meals arrive though it’s like a switch has been flicked and your hand strays. Suddenly my meal is yours and it’s more like tapas at the table than two separate meals.
How to avoid confusion – Sharing is caring and I’m all for giving you a taste of my food. This doesn’t come from a place of selfish food hoarding. The confusion comes from the time between ordering and eating. When you went from barely hungry to unsatisfied with what you’ve ordered. To avoid confusion let’s learn from the past. If it happens once it’s ok. Hunger grows and fades and you can have some of mine. If you’re important enough to sit with me at the restaurant then you’re important enough to have a few cheeky mouthfuls. But the next time we go out let’s remember that and plan ahead. Grab an extra side. Order the larger size. Worst case scenario we take it home in a doggy bag and enjoy it again tomorrow.
You’re wearing heels on a night out and we both know you look incredible. But as the night goes on they aggravate you more and more
How it happens – There must be a magical quality to heels. When a woman puts on the right pair of heels and becomes a towering beauty with every fibre of her body from the waist down accentuated and highlighted she forgets about the trauma of every past heel experience. The night starts with optimism and promise, moves through to pain and grimacing and ends with the heels held in one hand as you walk bare foot from the uber to the front door.
How to avoid confusion – I’ll admit something on behalf of all men. We love heels. They make you look amazing but even better than that they make you feel amazing. And your confidence and happiness on a night out means a lot. Plus, they make that great clicky noise. It can be confusing though when you throw them on with a smile only to complain hours later. This one comes down to communication. Let us know that, ‘hey, I’m wearing this because they make me look and feel great. And I accept and expect some pain later’. If we understand that it’s a risk vs reward situation we’ll be onboard and might even help hold them on the way home.
“Do you think that girl is pretty?” This question feels like a trap. Do you want an honest opinion or is there more to this than meets the eye?
How it happens – This one usually comes out of the blue. We’re enjoying time together and there’s a palpable connection. Then it hits like a lightning bolt. “Do you think she’s pretty?”. Take too long to answer and I’ll sound like I’m hiding an unsavoury answer. Reply too quickly and it’ll seem like I’m pandering and insincere. This is a test, and it’s one guys don’t want to fail.
How to avoid confusion – Honesty is the best policy. Let us know that this question comes as a way of probing our connection. Tell us you don’t want us to lie and say “no” just as much as you don’t want us to enthusiastically say “yes”. If we know you’ll use the answer to gauge our connection we’ll be honest and let you dissect that. It’s a heavily layered question that helps put fledgling feelings in place so ask the question and receive the answer in a light-hearted and honest way.
In everyday life, you and I are inseparable. But you’re all over Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat giving attention to other guys
How it happens – It’s a thorn in the side of modern romance. Online communication raises questions that would never have been raised before the technological side of dating blew up. It’s never been easier to stay in touch with that special someone online. And in turn it’s never been easier to see that special someone like, comment and share every little thing with other guys. Why are you liking 3 of his photos in one day? Who is that guy who keeps commenting on your profile pictures? It might not be fun but decoding the online aspect is a huge part of dating in 2017.
How to avoid confusion – Confidence is sexy. Confidence in the dating scene is sexy. Don’t let him read into every online interaction. It’s a central part of dating in the modern world and it’s a great sign of character to be able to see someone you care about ‘liking’ pictures or people, and to feel confident and reassured regardless. If guys bring it up as a concern just explain how those little, tiny things we’ve noticed are just that. Little, tiny things that don’t impact or affect what we have. Using your voice is key. You’ll avoid confusion when you speak up and seek clarification instead of staying silent and seethe.