When it comes to long cues, crafts that require meticulous attention to detail and driving, I’m pretty patient. In the context of a relationship, it’s a whole different story. In my early twenties, I was always one to hurry myself in a relationship. Eager to have someone else ‘complete’ me, I never put too much thought into what kind of person I was inviting into my life. But of course life is full of lessons and in time, I learned that good things really do come to those who wait. Without patience, I’d be dating the wrong kind of men, rushing into relationships doomed to fail and drowning in a disruptive relationship. Patience is key to a good relationship at any stage of a relationship. Does our guy panel agree? Read on.
Michael: I think my outlook on patience is different. Where I seem to differ as I get older is that the things I look for in a potential partners is the incompatibility. This is where patience comes in, to continue dating. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to enter a doomed relationship or to fail. I think it is important to realise the error and correct it and quickly and learn from it. I don’t think you should use patience as a tool to avoid a bad relationship; I think you need to use it as a tool to survive one.
Patience is the key to continue the search.
Nick: I have personally never been a man with a lot of patience, in any area of my life. It appears it is a virtue I was born without, but I am learning (very) slowly. When it comes to relationships, there is no choice other than to be patient as it is something that cannot be forced or hurried along and if you try, the relationship will most likely fail. I have learned that you just have to feel and enjoy the natural course of the relationship.
If You’re Single
Since the grass is always greener on the other side, most single people I know want to be in relationships thinking it offers companionship, emotional and physical connection and all those 2 for 1 ‘perks’. But look too hard and you miss out on life trying to find a partner. Unless you’ve put yourself into a rut that consists of staying at home, going to work and coming back home, you’re likely to meet new people everyday. There’s no need to go searching for someone at bars and clubs. Go out, have fun but don’t go out with the intention of meeting the love of your life. Things always turn up when it’s least expected…there’s nothing like the pleasant surprise of meeting someone out of the blue. Have the patience to wait for someone right and not just someone.
The exception to this is if you have a hectic work schedule and in that case online dating would probably work to your advantage. [Read the One Thing Single People Should Do]
Michael: Again we differ.
“Most single people I know want to be in relationships thinking it offers companionship, emotional and physical connection and all those 2 for 1 ‘perks’” I’m not sure if this is correct of men and it really depends on their age group and prior relationships. I think they might say it, but from the what I know, the “singles pool” is soooo big due to the internet, they don’t tend to worry about being alone anymore. Just remember internet dating might look like an advantage for a busy person but it is also the refuge of person that can’t deal with relationship issues.
Nick: I am personally looking for an amazing relationship with an even more amazing woman, but I also believe that wishing away my single life is a negative approach as there are so many wonderful aspects to being single.
Being single allows you to explore who you are, your sexuality, have free and abandoned sexual escapades and meet some incredibly cool and fun people. It gives you the freedom to be completely selfish, to figure what you want and don’t want from a partner and relationship.
If You’ve Just Met Someone
My friend David had been seeing someone for 3 months. One night after a dinner date, she told him that she was 31 and that this was the year she was going to get engaged. What were his intentions she’d ask. Now I know things are confusing in the early stages of the relationship but putting this kind of pressure on yourself and your potential partner can end a relationship like road kill – fast and ugly. Instead of trying to ‘define’ where the relationship is going in the early early stages of a relationship, take the time to get to know the guy/girl and decide for yourself if you want something more from him/her.
Michael: This is interesting as men are generally seen as commitment averse. I would think any girl/ boy would be turned off by a statement like that. No one wants to be a tick in the box of a life plan. It is the same as when a lady’s biological clock starts ticking and she stops looking for a partner and starts looking for a mate. I can understand it must be very difficult not to default into get a good mate mode but it isn’t flattering to a man who really doesn’t want to be seen as a good provider. The moral of the story is marriage and children should be a result of feelings between TWO people and not the domain of life plans or biology.
Nick: In the early stages of a relationship it is incredibly important to be patient, have a lack of expectations and to feel and enjoy the ride. As soon as you impose expectations, agendas or too many thoughts, it is inevitable that the trouble will arise. All too often we try to control interpersonal relationships with our own stories, hope and dreams.
If You’ve Settled Down
This is where patience or lack of it can make or break a relationship. You need patience. A reader once sent me this quote and it is so relevant: “Every relationship has it’s own problems, But what makes it perfect is when you still want to be there when everything sucks..”
Michael: If you are having difficulties you need to bring them into the open so they can be dealt with. The valuable thing I’ve learned is not to mistake silence for patience. It is an easy trap!!!
Nick: It has been a few years since my last significant relationship so I may not be the best person to comment. I however believe that with open communication, acceptance, patience and my thoughts above, a relationship can work in the long term.
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